Brian A. Hopkins
On the Road Again...

"Four Corners Tour"
23-31 May 2008
2,867 Miles Total

Too often I would hear men boast of the miles covered that day,
rarely of what they had seen. --Louis L'Amour, novelist (1908-1988)

Hello. This is Pierre. Yes, I am the mouse who often travels with Brian...bah...bahwolf...whatever the hell that wanker is calling himself these days. See me below, zip-tied to the mirror of his Triumph Tiger? Ignore his ugly mug in the mirror; I'm the good looking one with the soft fur coat and the cute pink ears.

What's with the zip-tie, you ask? Brian got tired of me doing stunts and stuff on the bike. Also got tired of me getting all the hot chicks. And riding off on the bike when he wasn't looking. And ... just plain JEALOUSY ... that's all. So that SOB zip-tied me to the stinkin' mirror. Every time he and his friends would go in to eat somewhere, it'd be, "Pierre, guard the bikes." At night, "Pierre, guard the bikes." Go to see the sights...flirt with the pretty ladies...get nekkid in the hot springs ...and always with the "Pierre, guard the bikes." Argh! This trip totally sucked for me! I didn't get to do shit!

And now, now that we're home, it's "Hey, Pierre, you write the trip report this time. I'm busy." Busy doing what, bahslackard? Pulling on your pud? Picking your nose? Staring at maps and thinking about where you're going next? But what's a mouse to do? The bastard zip-tied me to the keyboard! After I finish this, I gotta go out and wash the bike. Then change the oil. Then it needs not only a new front tire, but chain and sprockets, too! I thought there were laws against slavery!?!?

Anyway, let's get this done. I'm not going to give you a blow-by-blow, day-to-day report. That'd just take up too much of my precious mouse time. I'm just gonna hit the highlights. You can fill in the blanks. You know, "Brian twisted the throttle, the wheels went round and round moving us from Point A to Point B. Blah, blah, blah." You know the drill. I don't know why he wastes his time with this shit anyway. "Hey, look at me! I'm so cool, cause I ride motorsickles." Well, laddie-fucking-da, bahgoober; those morons from Orange County Choppers ride motorsickles, too, and they're freakin' rich, I tell ya! What have you got to show for all the bugs in your teeth, numbnuts?

Oops, here he comes to check up on me. I'd better look busy.

 


              "Click me, dammit!"

 

 


Copyright 2011 Brian A. Hopkins, 2011-08-02 20:59, www.bahwolf.com