Submitted: 2 July 1997


Battles Fought, Battles Won

by Itharr Auripool

(Riverhaven, Therengia: 37 Arhat 330) Itharr rests heavily on a barstool, his head down in a puddle of ale, one of his hands still around a half-empty mug, his breathing deep and steady. His armor is nicked and scarred from a battle of epic proportions. Every so often, the tip of his tail will start to sway gently back and forth and his hands will clench slightly. Approaching him from behind, you reach out and gently lay a hand on his shoulder and shake him slightly. With a startled oath, he leaps out of his stool and launches a backhand swing, the mug of ale still clenched tightly in his hand, as you narrowly avoid the wild blow. Drunk and off-balance, the inertia of his swing spins him around until it comes to a rather abrupt and violent stop on the head of the unfortunate patron sitting next to him. They both fall to the ground with a muffled crash, as you begin to pick wood chips out of your clothing from the now-gone barstools.

Glancing down at Itharr and his unwilling, yet unconscious, seat, you try to stifle a snicker at his prediciment. He lies there moaning softly, his nose in one hand, and his tail in the other. Reaching down a hand to pull him up, you guide him to a table and set him down in a comfortable seat.

"What's wrong, my friend? I thought you never got drunk."

Blinking owlishly, he tries to focus his eye's on you, "Heh, I'm celebratin' pal. Those Blasted Mages tried tae jump me 'gin. heh."

Glancing over at him, you wonder just how drunk he really is. "Oh?"

"Yep, 'ere, lemme tell yas' wha' 'appened..."

And so the story begins....



There I was, sitting in Town Square up in Riverhaven, minding my own business. Was a wonderful day, The sun was out, I had a beautiful elven lass sitting next to me trying to seduce me while I tried to explain to her that I was a Paladin, and had to maintain the pristine condition of my soul. That kind of stuff happens all the time, and I had got pretty good at getting rid of the women so far. This lass was really persistent though, and she wouldn't give up. Just when I was about to explain again that I was a Paladin, and did not take advantage of women, Great Mage Loki, who I had summoned earlier due to some questions I had, arrived at that moment and saved my virtue. Or so I thought.

Loki, though a Great Mage, was a woman at heart, and was naturally attracted to me. Soon as she saw me, she got this big smile on her face and sort of winked at me. I, of course, started blushing furiously and that made me forget the question I was going to ask her. When she found that out, she called Great Mage Rowan who also showed up and started teasing me. So there I was with three beautiful women flirting with me, and I was trying to maintain my chastity. I was looking at Rowan when I noticed that some silvers were almost falling out of her pocket.

Being a Paladin and good at heart, I reached over and tried to push the coins back into her pocket. Hard as it is to believe, I might have made a mistake by doing that. Loki whispered something to Rowan and she glanced down and saw me with the coins in my hand and my hand near her pocket and immediately misunderstood. I tried to explain to her what I was doing, but I was so shocked and offended that she thought I would actually *steal* from her, that I couldn't speak coherently. At that point in time, Rowan decided to summon the rest of the Great Mages to deal with me, innocent though I was. One by one they started appearing. Loki was already there, and soon Shalnhh, Treveri, and Caldandria showed up. Obviously, the other Mages realized that they shouldn't toy with someone as powerful as me. Now, if you want to know my own personal thoughts on the matter, I think that Rowan's whole plan was to have all the other Mages start trying to kill me, and in the heat of the battle, she would act like she was casting a disintegration spell, when in fact, she'd be teleporting me away to her own personal retreat so she could have me all to herself. A brilliant plan indeed, if I do say so myself. Thinking of myself, and seeing myself in the mirror, I can't fault her for her actions, for any woman in the lands would have seized that opportunity and taken the same chance, after all, this was a chance to have *me* to themselves. Anyways, all that is mere speculation. It seems like the most logical cause to me, but others may not agree. So there I was, standing in the middle of Town Square surrounded by Great Mages, and of course my normal following of women admiring me. Rowan took this opportunity to bop me over my head, obviously she was hurt badly by my helm, but she was too proud to admit it. Needless to say, the Mages were obviously outclassed. I was loathe to tell them that however, Modesty being one of my more redeeming qualities. But alas, they chose to fight. Courageous, I must say, but the outcome of this battle was obvious to all from the start.

The Great Mages slowly fanned out, understandably cautious. Sadly, I stood and drew my blade, and offered them one final warning. It was to no avail. They raised there hands to cast their battle magic's as I stood calmly, waiting for the onslaught. Rowan stepped forward first. She stood with her hands raised and muttered a single word. Suddenly, the air about me turned bitterly cold, and I felt my skin begin to crystallize as the temperature around me dropped lower. My organs began to freeze and my heartbeat slowed to a near stop. I fell to my knee's and I saw the ground approaching quickly. As I lay there unmoving, I could here the whispers around me. He's dead, they whispered, Itharr has been slain. Their observations however, were grossly exaggerated. I was not dead, merely allowing my body time to recuperate. The Mages stood in stunned silence in a circle around me. They had not expected me to fall so easily. Looking back, I think that if I stayed quiet, the Mages would have obliterated themselves in anger. The female Mages had a look of desperation and dismay on their faces, a look of love lost, which was quickly turning to anger. Unfortunately, I didn't consider all of this at the time, and I smiled briefly at the gasps and cries of elation that accompanied my "Rebirth". All around me, I watched jaws drop on each Mage's face, and the muttering words of magic began anew. Treveri then stepped forward and leveled a ringed finger at me. He began to Chant a string of indecipherable words as I strode slowly towards him, blade in hand. Right before I got within swinging distance of him, he released his spell. I shrank back from a dark winged form that had leapt from his ring and shot towards me. Ineffectualy I swung my blade and watched with horror as the steel passed cleanly through the beast. It landed atop my shoulders, and it's wings slowly closed around my shoulders. I cried out in agony as wounds began to erupt all over my body. I fell to the ground in pain, grasping various wounds with still more appearing. Gradually however, the wounds started to heal, and I rose to my feet. Treveri fell back, astonished that I could survive such a spell. Tightening the grip on my blade, I slowly surveyed the faces of those assembled. The faces of the Mages were lined with fear and indecision. The faces of the mortals (especially the women) around me were glazed over with desire and lust.

I started to slowly walk towards Shalnhh, who cowered back in fear, as did the rest of the Mages. we raised my blade in a salute to Shalnhh, challenging him to a duel. He nervously drew his own blade and stood waiting. I started forward, engaging Shalnhh, who dropped into a defensive crouch, his own blade raised in return. A feral grin touched my face then, for I love the feel and excitement of a good battle. Suddenly, I heard a mystical chanting behind me and I whirled about just in time to see Rowan, her hands upraised to the sky, clench her fists and shout the final syllables to her spell. I heard a crack of thunder above me, and I looked up just in time to see a massive chunk of iron, shaped like a anvil come hurtling down towards me. I tried to leap out of the way, but unfortunately Rowan's aim was already off, and I ended up leaping right under the falling anvil, which landed directly on my brow and continued downwards, crushing my skull and leaving my head a bloodied pulp. I fell to the ground with a crash, and lay there unmoving. For some reason, my body was able to recuperate from even this. My bones started to knit themselves together, and soon after, I felt whole once more.

Rising to my feet yet again, I turned and faced those who opposed me. I singled out Shalnhh and started towards him again. This time the other Mages decided to humor me, and stood back to let me battle Shalnhh in a one-on-one fight. I finally engaged him and we fought for many minutes. I landed many good strikes, and he grew tired and was getting badly injured. To keep him from looking to bad, as many people looked up to him as a Great Mage, I let him land a few shots on me, just so he could keep his dignity, (It's amazing how kind hearted I am, it even startles me sometimes.). Anyways, he could soon see the outcome of this battle, and he decided to pull out a secret weapon he had designed just to combat me. He pulled it out and I stepped back to consider. It was a unexpected change of events. To this day, I've never seen a "Really really big axe with Itharr's name on it", which is exactly the type of axe that Shalnhh pulled out. I started forward again, re-engaging. We battled a few more minutes this time, but I did not let Shalnhh strike me this again this time, as I had done before. The axe he had was a wonderful weapon indeed, but he just couldn't contest my skill with a blade. I had to finish the fight early, as women were passing out all over the place from the pleasure of watching my body flex and move as I fought.

After this humiliating defeat at my hands, the Great Mages withdrew and consulted with themselves, and I was sincerely hoping that they were deciding to discontinue this battle, as I was getting close to breaking out in a sweat. They had come to a agreement by this time and each turned and nodded slightly in my direction before disappearing into thin air, one by one....



....And so the story ends.

"heh, whatcha' think pal?"

"Sure enough, that's a good reason to celebrate if I do say so myself.", you reply. "One question though, are you sure it happened that way? Women normally don't fight like that over *one* man."

"Heh, Now, Bein' a modest Paladin an' all, I really shouldn't be sayin' this. But *Look* at me. Any woman in 'er right min' wans' me. Makes it really 'ard tae maintain t'pristine condition o' me soul.. not t'mention me chastity..."