A while back, I asked Mr. Bunnell to write a filk about an orca named Keiko. You know, the star of Free Willy. Until recently, Keiko lived in my neck of the woods, and, well, the media went into Serious Overkill in covering Keiko's move to Iceland. Well, I discovered that it is never wise to ask a lyricist to write something satrical about an orca. He decided, for very good reasons I'm sure, to write a satire about my life, instead. (Although he later wrote a lovely farewell to Keiko, too.) So without further ado, here it is, the Anthem Of My Life:
THE RHYME OF THE CYNICAL OPTIMIST
words copyright © 2004-2005 John C. BunnellMy credit cards are maxed. My car is belching smoke;
music: Leslie Fish ("Hello, Remember Us?")
The microwave exploded and the toilet handle broke;
My guinea pig's complaining--there's barkdust in his fur;
I told him "Learn to live with it!" or he'd become a her.
Oh, damn. Oh, drat. Oh, hell.
My landlord wants the rent. My doctor wants her fee;
The balance in my bank account's a dollar thirty-three;
I guess I'll have to tell them the checks are in the mail--
And if they buy the story, why, I've got this bridge for sale.
Great terms. Low down. Act now.
I'd like to find a job that uses skills I know;
There's lots of them available; the papers say it's so;
So why then am I hearing, in ev'ry interview:
"Oh, dear, you're over-qualified, we can't give this to you!"
Nice try. Good day. Good luck.
I can't find decent work. I'm running out of bucks;
My love life's nonexistent and the situation sucks;
But when the scales balance, as must they soon or late,
The good luck I've got coming should be almost worth the wait!
Been there. Done that. Survived.
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Uncredited text Copyright © 2005, Darcy